odd.

i've been in a really weird sort of mood lately. it's like the world is going along and aging and such, and i'm just stuck in the same sort of mindset i've had for years.

i don't know if i'll ever grow up. part of me doesn't want to grow up, but at the same time i know that i can't be a kid forever. i'm twenty years old with no real goal in life. yeah there are things i want to do, and things i'd like to do, but they're not getting done.

it's pretty sad when the only thing you're actively planning in your life is a trip to see your friends.

don't get me wrong, i love it and i can't wait for everything that's going to happen and meeting you guys will be the highlight of my life, but at twenty i should be doing so much more than just wasting my life away in front of a computer, worrying about what the jonas brothers or doing, or watching hannah montana.

i should be in school. i should be an adult. at the very least i should have a job.

instead i'm just killing time doing nothing. i'm gonna go down in people's memories as "that adult who spent all of her time worried about disney stars."

i can't do that anymore. i have to grow up, and i'm gonna start now.

it's not a sudden thing, so don't think that. i've honestly thought about it a lot before, but now i'm taking a stand and being forceful with myself.

i'm grateful for the jonas brothers. they have some great music and they inspired me to write (a feat that i'm still marvelling about), not to mention they allowed me to meet the greatest people in the world and have them as my friends.

but other than that i'm over it.

i think i've been over it and over them for a while, but i wasn't sure if i could let them go.

i'm going to, whether i can or not.

so nick jonas, you're hot and amazingly talented, but it's just not gonna work out. sorry.