i wasn't going to do this.

i debated for a long while whether or not i would make this post. whether or not i'd actually be able to write this in hopes you'd read this and actually LISTEN to what i want to say to you. i wasn't going to do this here, but i don't know where else it could go.

to me writing a blog to you here is just like what you do through twitter. it involves people who shouldn't be in the middle of things and it's public and just immature. but you never listened to me when i tried to talk. instead you'd make fun of me or ignore me, choosing to twitter your insults and jibes instead of coming to me to sort out our problems. so i know me writing this blog is immature, but sometimes if you can't beat them you have to join them, at least for a little while.

pretty much from the start you've always chosen me as your victim. like a middle school bully sizing up the playground, you could probably see that i would be hurt by your insults, but like the insecure person i am i'd take them longer without fighting back. the time has come for me to fight back, but i'm not going to attack you like you do me.

i realized i called you a bitch. honestly, you were acting like one. when you get upset because a BOARD GAME isn't going your way, how are you going to handle the real world? people lose, shit happens. we get over it and move on. i'm not sorry i called you a bitch, so if you're looking for an apology about that you're wasting your time. you've called me much worse, so let's not even go there.

if i said it once, i've said it a million times: it's hard for me to make friends. i guess that's why i took your shit for so long. even though it hurt me when you made fun of me, called me names, and just in general acted like you hated my very existance, i still wanted to be your friend just so i could say i had one. but i can't do that anymore.

don't get me wrong, some of the times we've had were awesome, and there were moments you were a great person. but then your evil side pops out and i'm reminded just why i have to do this.

you told me once you would do anything for your friends because we were all you have. if that's true then why do you treat us this way? at this moment i'm not only talking about myself here. the day of the honor society show i saw another side of you...the worst yet. you took something we all thought was so generous and amazing and turned it into something awful. we all know our friend couldn't have came without you and YOUR GRAM helping her, but friends don't use that as a guilt trip. trust me, she knows how much this is and i know for a fact it meant so much to her. using that as a way to upset her pissed me off. it really, really helped me come to this decision.

i also don't get how i "used" you. if you think you're the better person, that's fine. i'm done fighting and arguing with you. this will probably be my last post on the armsac blog simply because i don't know how we'll all last through this. but i genuinely want to know how i used you. i paid my own way, i bought everything myself. yes i used you in the sense of being in the same car as you when we went places, but what is that really? carpooling? it's good for the environment you know.

i wish you could see how you treat people. i know i'm far from perfect, but i always try to treat a person like they matter. i don't think you even realize how horrible you are to your family. they have to love you, but that doesn't mean they like you.

so this is what it finally comes down to. like you say, i'm "deleting you" from my life. i'm tired of living in negativity and lately that's all you've brought. the vacation was great at times, but a little bad too.

i'm sorry it came to this, but until you learn how to treat people, i can't be around you.

goodbye.