I'm The Oldest Young Person I Know/ ARMSAC 2009/Drugtalk2.0

No seriously I am the oldest young person I know. I'm seventeen years old and I can barely move. I know what you are thinking what? how is that possible you work for eight hours a day shop on end (and ...). True I do but after I do my knees burn I can barely walk and it sucks horribly. My knees crack every two seconds(I used to do these bends when I was younger[fuck I'm still young] that I was TOLD would damage my knees and they did), my ankles give out on me (I sprained they too much during soccer and did nothing about it ever), and my feet well they are horribly callused and sore and horrible (I'm not quite sure why). Then there is my back, we're not exactly sure if this was from my car accident or not my family and co-workers think it was, I don't think so. I mean I used to have shoulder and back pain before the car crash, but after the car crash I guess it became more frequent and worse. There was one day when I think I pinched a nerve and I could barely stand.
I can only imagine myself at like fifty confined to a wheelchair because I can't move. And I don't doubt that I will be. I'm just waiting for some doctor one day to look at me and be like, you have cancer in your joints or arthrites in your joints. Cause it will happen. :/
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ARMSAC 2009 dude when we all get together it will be epic, even though right now it is only Ashley and I, since everyone else seemed to be all no I don't want to post on the ARMSAC blog... and by everyone else I mean Melissa, cause Crystal's computer is broken so she can't get online. And none of us have talked to Ren in FOREVER. So I forsee the event as being mad wicked awesome.
Ashley is my best friend, just like she keeps saying I am hers Ashley is mine. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I was five or six and I don't talk to her like at all anymore but Ashley and I talk every day. That is part of the reason she is my best friend. Another reason is she knows to much so we have to be best friends Jtothek. But we have these redicilious inside jokes, pester each other (ashley) over presents, and just have fun. ily ashleyluff :)
(I'm skipping right here to Crystal sorry mel)
Crystal and I have actually seen each other actually been together before and it was a shit load of fun. Sleeping all day, staying up all night, iming each other even though we were like three feet apart. Ricky stealing my laptop....
RICKY CAN BE THE R IN ARMSAC (bajah not like I am replacing Ren I love her to much to do that but just saying)
...and then screaming cause of my background picture, before changing my background of my laptop to a picture of him shirtless. and the background of my phone to a picture of him. Crystal and I talking to ourselves, our walk to seveneleven. the guys bike tire popping and us almost getting lost. My operation grope kevin jonas t-shirt magically becoming a wife beater and just plain penis related fun. :) ily crystalily
Melissa and I almost met we were at the same concert and we passed each other multiple times and never knew it. I saw her once I swore but she was gone in a flash and that was the end of that. We live in the same state and if needed I will go kick some english teacher butt for her! She and I get along really well. I can always talk to her if I need some ARMSAC love. or if she needs some love period. ily Mellers :)
Richard might be coming to ARMSAC 2009, depends on if he annoys the hell out of me cause if he does his ticket can go to Kevin. Yea I said it! He and I are friends but he annoys me but I love him. Idk? he's amazing at times and d-bagish at others. :/
Marni,Brittany and any others that might come...most of them rock. Marni and Brittany are amazing I love those two girls we met once for a concert before and I realized how fucking tall they are compared to me. Like seriously I look like a little kid compared to Marni and Brittany is only a couple of inches shorter than Marni. Marni is the Shaq to my Kobe :).

Side note ASHLEY why did we not invite Corinne to ARMSAC 2009. I know she lives on the other side of the country but STILL!

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Drugstalk2.0
I put up with people talking about doing drugs I do. I mean I once had a converstaion with Kevin when he was high. It was hilarious. I have also had talks with Ricky when he was, not as hilarious more depressing...and scary. So I put up with it. I just don't like it.

& finally

Ashley whatever your middle name is Ates
We will always be friends got that. And no little thing of you doing drugs will change that. i freakin love you.

xoxo
Stephani

...

i have this weird thing about hating to disappoint people. i've always had it and i probably always will. part of my major trepidation about the armsac meetup is meeting you guys and you realizing that i'm really just this boring, immature girl and you'll be so disappointed that i'm not at all how you think i am.

i really hate disappointing family and friends. they've put so much faith in me that when i let them down i feel so bad. everyone at work thinks i've been at school this whole semester because if i told them i didn't go they'd STILL be talking about it. when i disappoint my grandma or mom it almost physically hurts. i mean, not little disappointments, like when i don't clean my room or something, but when i REALLY let them down.

so when stephani said that i disappointed her, it really killed me. i don't even know what to say to her now. i mean i can't just erase her disappointment away with an ily betch and everything be great, but i want to.

it's a case of where i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't.

did you know that will used to fuss and bitch at me so much when i went out and drank and smoked pot and stuff? he would literally call me and yell at me if he found out. and now he does it more than i ever have and thinks it was funny how he hurt my feelings so much. oh how the tables have turned.

i think everyone in my family is suffering from an addiction of sorts. even dylan, the youngest member of our family. he could have been born addicted to cocaine because his mom was a user. his dad is an alcoholic and has been in jail for most of my life. my other uncle is a drug addict and alcoholic. even my dad is a drug addict and alcoholic. i seriously worry that kristen will be going down the same path. i don't worry about myself too much, because if i can stop like i did last year, i can stop again. i'm not going to let anything get to a point that i can't handle. i learned that lesson at the last major party i went to. if things start to look more serious, i know i can walk away. and not many people can say that with confidence.

i just...disappointing people and knowing that i've done so hurts me so badly. but at the same time i've been disappointed by so many things and so many people in life too.

stephani, if you read this, i'm sorry. i don't really even know how to phrase anything. i know it's not okay and well, i don't even know what to type here. i just hope that this doesn't ruin our friendship because you are SERIOUSLY my best friend. i think it pissed will off when i said that the other day, but it's true.

i guess this is the end.

Prude's Eye View

Ah my little play on words it was cute right? Okay maybe not. But still this is my take on everything.
I don't give a flying fuck if you have sex, if you drink or smoke or do any of that. But you do drugs and I am so disappointed in you. Like all my friends know this. Ashley texted me earlier and said she knew it made me mad but it doesn't make me mad it disappoints me. Seriously do you have nothing better to do in life than to waste your brain cells on a euphoria that lasts for only a few hours yet effects your life forever.
I think my main reason for being this way is I've seen what drugs do to people since I was in the (third) grade. My step-mother is a crack addict whore. And yes I say stuff like that about other people but when I say it about her I mean it. Cause she is. I never saw my step-mother doing drugs but she was in and out of jail and rehab from a very early age in my life. She had my half-brother in rehab, he was half addicted to crack and he had to have medication for at least a year to help with his immune system. Hell right now she is in Florida(i think) in rehab. Or that's where she is suppose to be.
Then there is the fact that the part of time I lived in growing up with my mom was drug filled. It was a rare day when someone wasn't arrested, fought, killed, shot or stabbed over a drug deal gone bad. Almost all of my friends in high school at one point or another tried drugs and I can honestly say that I never did. And if I can get away with it I never will. I had the friends who would sit there and ask me time after time to go smoke with them and I knew and wouldn't go. Even at 17 in a different state I have people here asking me, after knowing me for a month or two, to go smoke with them, and telling me about how they were in a gang and did crack and this and that. I don't give a fuck. I don't like talking about drugs okay? I get told by one of the girls I used to work with that I 'straight up smoke'. No bitch I don't I unlike most of the rest of the world want to be able to remember my life and not have it be filled with a fog or of me shoving my face, cause I do that enough as is.
Yes I smoke cigarettes I have since I was twelve, but at the same time I am quitting. It's not that I don't like smoking I do, but I work with the people who have been smoking for basically their whole life and they can barely breath. I don't want that.
Drinking is a semi-sore subject with me. Yes I have had some funny drunken moments other drunken moments have been not so funny and a bit more painful. I've been beaten to a point of almost death when I was sober and my at the time boyfriend was drunk beyond belief. I do drink, I admit that I mean beer and vodka and shit is just good. But I'm not going to sit there and force it on you or get so shit faced that I don't know what I am doing. I make sure I know what I am doing, because I can't afford to have anything else happen to me, not after all the other shit that has happened.
Two more subjects than I will stop this rant I suppose.
Sex, okay I don't give a living fuck who you sleep with how many times you slept with them where it happened none of that shit. So please stop telling me the details of your love life. I mean I don't mind if you talk about a boyfriend or girlfriend problem with me. But if that problem is that your boyfriend isn't pleasuring you like he used too or he gave you crabs or some bull shit like that. It's not my problem I don't give a living fuck. You know why I don't care? Cause I'm not getting any myself. So yea stfu. Last boy that I slept with died because some boy was jealous of my boyfriend talking to "his girl." Like I said STFU. ugh.
Last subject.
Jealousy (it's a disease bitch) you know what if you are gonna have a fucking heart attack cause your boyfriend is talking with me, or some girl is talking to your boyfriend or your boyfriend went out and didn't tell you there seems to be a problem here. And it's not that your boyfriend and you are having problems it's you are jealous okay? I hate jealousy you know why it kills innocent people. I got a phone call at fucking 5 AM telling me that my boyfriend of four years was murdered. It wasn't until almost three months later, after I was told that I couldn't go to his funeral in California, that his cousins, who are my best friends, told me that he was killed cause he picked up a girls books and then walked her to class. Yea you heard me that is what happened. The girls boyfriend found out and got pissed off at my boyfriend so that night when my boyfriend got up in the mess hall of the college that boy went up to his plate and 'dropped' a roll on his plate. I know what is so bad about this? He rubbed the roll all over Jamie's plate all over his food. Doesn't seem that bad right? It is that bad when you have an allergy to wheat. Not even twelve hours later he was dead. So jealousy is a bitch and so am I.
This is the 'prude's eye view.'

xoxo
Stephani

i have no idea

to be honest, i really have no idea why i'm writing this. i mean it's kind of stupid really and i may not want everyone to read it, but at the same time maybe it should be read. all of a sudden i've just got this intense feeling in my chest and i'm hoping that maybe if i write this it'll go away.

so here it is...hahaha i'm so lame.

i've never really been a "bad kid." i was the daughter and granddaughter in the family that was probably expected to be great. that's not to say i never got in any trouble, but it was usually minor compared to that of my cousins and even sister.

in my senior year at high school, things secretly began to change. i went out with friends more and ultimately did a lot of things that i will never regret, but should have thought about more before i did them. you've all heard my stories about me and drinking, so i'll spare you the details of all of it.

it wasn't just drinking though. one night at my friend's house there was pot, and i was offered to try it. i could have said no and nobody would have thought any less of me. my friends aren't the type to push things on anyone. but i did try it. the effect was amazing. it was me, but enhanced. things were funnier, everyone was happy, and the coolest thing was the numbing sensation in my mouth. i sat there for an hour (or maybe two minutes...time has a funny way of screwing with your head when you're hight) and bit the inside of my mouth, just because it would tingle and not hurt.

of course they say what happens the first time you smoke pot affects how you'll react to it, so maybe that's why i mess with people and try to freak them out. it was all they did to my friend timmy because they knew he got paranoid. but maybe it's just who you're with, because several other times i was with isiah and we could just chill and talk. i don't know.

the whole party and get high stage didn't really last long. it started senior year, picked up majorly after graduation, and then just slacked off. i didn't really even think about it much, or miss it. it was a period of fun i had in my life, but i thought it was over.

and then last week will offered me some pot. i talked to stephani about it and i was really unsure if i wanted to smoke it or not. did i want to ruin the record i had going for me? will really wanted me to because it was his "birthday" (it was the day after) so i did. again, i know i didn't have to.

that night was one of the most fun nights i've had in a really long time. maybe it was because i knew i shouldn't be doing that, or maybe it was because i was actually out with people, i don't know. but i was extremely happy to just BE.

i hadn't really thought about smoking again until earlier today, and then it just hit me like a truck. i want to again. i don't need to, i want to. maybe i need to, i don't know. it's fucking retarded.

i wrote all of this with no idea what the purpose is. i just don't want to really go down the road i went last time when i drank so much i couldn't remember the last half of the night. i'm cool with drinking, but i haven't since that party last year (except for maybe a sip or two). i don't want one thing to lead into another. i've already started smoking, which is something i didn't think i'd ever do.

holy crap, i'm a loser.

Jaylor (Joe's deleted blog!)

"To Our Fans from Joe, Kevin and Nick:

It is our normal rule to avoid talking about our private lives. It seems that it has come to the point where we must address a few things. We would prefer to address these things and then leave it alone from that point forward.

We felt like it was important to respond because recent events have affected our fans. It is important to us as artists and brothers to enlighten regarding this situation. Our fans are the most important thing to us.

There are rumors and suggestions that are being publicized in the press right now about us. Like all people our age we are trying to find someone special that we can share time with in our busy lives. We all have busy schedules and high demands. We love our life and are thankful for all that we have. We are simply stating that it is difficult to maintain relationships with the kind of life we live.

We love our fans and it is important to us to protect that relationship.

To Our Fans from Joe:

This blog is not an attack of anyone. Anytime you are in a relationship for any length of time there are going to be issues. Sometimes they resolve. Other times they lead to a change of heart. This was the case recently.

Several things I will state with all my heart…

I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second" phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear.

There were later attempts at communication that had no response.

I wish the best for the other person but could not sit back any longer and leave our fans with a wrong impression of the truth.

Hope this helps enlighten a little.

We love you and miss you

Joe, Kevin and Nick"

SOMEONE IS FIGHTING BACK FOR ONCE.
I'll admit Joe's actions might have been bitchy, calling her to basically break up call it discuss feelings Joe but you BROKE UP WITH HER over the phone. I mean yea that is bitchy. But Taylor fighting back with her "look this one even comes with it's own phone to break up with other dolls." was just as bitchy.
Joe has the balls Nick didn't have when Miley came out about their relationship. Nice to know that their is one Jonas Brother who has balls and the ability to stand up for himself.
Even Kevin who was caught kissing Danielle didn't fess up. ADMIT IT FUCKERS.
ugh.
thank you for fighting back Joe :)
even if you did end up deleting it.
<3

xoxo
Stephani

"home is where the heart is."

Home is where the heart is,
where the body lies,
where your love lives.
But what happens when my heart isn't in my home, my body lies in a place i'm only slightly happy with and my love is either dead or across the country. (Jamie is dead Ryan actually lives in New Mexico he is just visiting right now *sad strawberry*) I mean I guess I understand why people say that but if it's a lie why let it spew from your mouth?
My big brother Ben & I are going to go "home" to Virginia/North Carolina in late December to early January. I mean I am excited to go, I haven't seen my family/friends since i graduated( except the few people i saw at my cousins wedding in September) and I really do miss a ton of them. I mean after six months I am more than eager to see Nikki, Kara, & Jr (three of my sibings) but not so eager to see Scott, Jesse, Scott's family, or my mom (stepdad, stepsister,mom,stepfamily). And I can't wait to see some of my best friends China, Chelsie, Mary, Leah, Amanda, Sean, all them. But I don't want to see my family.
It sounds stupid but it's true.
And by the time I get back from VA/NC Ryan will be back in New Mexico, to spend some time with his family before going (back) to Georgia for college. And truthfully I want to spend as much time with Ryan as I can, however I know if I don't go see those people now it will be forever and a day til I see them, and I do mean that because I won't be able to go again til probably June. And then I have armsac in July.
I don't know life just is odd right now.
I'm getting a new phone on Wednesday.
(happy tomato)
xoxo
Stephani

bop bop bop bop to the top

sooo...

um.

tonight was tons of fun.