First of all, I'm going to apologize for my last post. I was stressed and speaking without really thinking.
Whatever. I'm over people, just people in general.
it's amazing what two voicemails, a couple of lost connections and a two hour phone conversation can do. any bad feelings or anger i had about the whole armsac thing is pretty much gone. of course i'm still going to worry and freak out, but at least i don't have the feeling of drama or anything like that to deal with.
it's different when you actually hear someone's voice explaining their feelings. i think that's what we should have done forever ago. because i really think steph understands where i'm coming from more and i definitely understand her thoughts better too. we're never going to completely agree on the money situation, and that's okay. but i think we may have found a way to get over it. and that's amazing.
of course there could be another situation or two before july, but getting through this massive hurdle and understanding each other lets me think that we can get through it.
you girls are my best friends. honestly the only friends i have. it would be stupid to possibly lose you over something so little.
woot, jonas in an hour! (psh, so my real purpose for writing. :) hahah )
The title is the song title of a Jump 5 song that I absolutely love. This is a drabble thing that I wrote down in Writing and Grammar a few weeks ago when we had free time because it was just something that I really felt I needed to get down on paper. It has affected me, and I know it affects others, too. I apologize if it's cheesy, or wishful thinking, or anything else that offends or disgusts, but it's what's been on my mind and in my heart lately. It starts of with different song lyrics and then goes into my own original thoughts.
I need to get a few things out. Because I've been praying and praying but I feel like I'm not hearing anything yet, and I just need to get some things out.
comment all of these blogs separately but you all know how lazy i am and how unlikely doing all of that would be. :)
but i just want to say how amazed i am. those blogs made me laugh, tear up, smile and generally grow to appreciate all of you more. i can't believe that in a year we've come this far. i can't see my life without you girls in it somehow. i don't even remember how my life was BEFORE you guys.
it's so silly how a website about a boyband brought us all together, but our strengths, weaknesses, and love for each other kept us strong.
whether we're always ARMSAC or not i don't know. but i do know that we'll always be there for each other somehow.
it's not like i have a life without you girls anyway. :)
That's a paraphrase of a quote from Maya Angelou.
With everyone sharing their stories, I felt the need to explain everything as well.
I'll be completely honest though. To a certain extent, I really don't remember all the specifics of how I came to be where I am now.
In fact, do you want to know the truth? It's difficult for me to remember what it was like before you were my best friends. And it's been just over a year now, if that could even begin to say what kind of an impact you girls have had on me.
Last year, eighth grade, was kind of a big year for me. Things started shifting, changing, and there was just a different feel from the way things had been before. It wasn't the radical change that has taken place this year, but things were stirring and something was bound to happen.
My best friend moved to the other side of the country. We'd been honest to goodness best friends since fourth grade. I really never even talk to her anymore. I mean, we try, but it's rare, with the time different and we each have our own lives now. But anyway, that was a shock to me. It happened right after school started. When she told us, I guess maybe it didn't register at first. As we discussed it as she visited the lunch table, I told her that I was excited for her and I knew she would love it, and that was very true. But I just didn't grasp the gravity of it somehow. And it was as I retold the story to my dad that I broke down in tears. And that's the best place I know where to start.
I'm going to try my best to remember details here but with my memory...yeah it most likely won't happen. I do know that it was shortly after my 18th birthday. I was bored and had the urge to read Jonas Brothers fanfiction for a few days. I used to read Dream Street...or Jesse McCartney...or Greg Raposo...or stories about some of my favorite TV shows and characters but I hadn't been reading fanfiction all that much anymore. Anyway I decided to search for a site where I could satisy that nagging urge that I had and that's how I found JBF. I don't know if it was the first site that I went to or maybe the third, all I know is that I liked the site so I stayed.
I don't remember the first story I read. I really don't...but whatever it was I must of liked it because I'm pretty sure I just created my account on there to comment on stories. At some point shortly after joining, I started reading Laws and Tale of a Pedophile. I commented on those letting the authors know that I loved the stories. I wasn't expecting to start talking to the writers....let alone become friends with them.
Shortly after my friendship with Ashley and Stephani started, I began reading things from Ren and Melissa. I think the first story of Ren's that I read was...Gardenias...I could be wrong about that though. The first thing of Mel's...I believe it was...I Won't Be Falling. Yet again I could be wrong. But just like with Ash and Steph, I commented letting the authors know how much I loved their stories and writing...and may have thrown in my dislike of Cora and Sean (haha had to check if I had that name right and I did. score one for me).
Conversations on the threads started forming and I thought "These girls are awesome." I think the main reason I got on JBF some days was to see if you all had commented back to something I said, just so I could try and keep the conversations going.
At some point in all of this, I came up with the idea for Who's the Dog. I normally don't write fanfiction...just read...but for some reason I felt compelled to post the prologue for that story. Of course it would usually take me forever to update and that's probably why I never went through with writing fanfic before. I do remember that the opinion of you girls on that story are the ones that mattered most to me...so it made me so happy that both Ash and Mel liked it. Then I started another story but that one is currently dead as well..but I do remember Steph and Spencer "fighting" over Kevin in that thread. A few joint stories were started as well.
I don't even know how I got started with talking to you girls on AIM. I really don't but I do know that I'm happy that I do. It's the only reason I get on there most of the time...in fact I think it's the only reason I got it. Course I don't go on there most days anymore or if I do, it's only for a few moments. I kinda feel like I'm drifting apart and I don't know why I am but that's what it feels like. Now I'm getting off topic...but I'm sure you girls have noticed that I tend to do that.
Anyway, even though I could have remained anonymous, I'm happy that I felt like commenting on JBF. Because of that, I met all of you...the best friends and sisters that a girl could ask for.
so my blog has NOTHING to do with the cab, but um, I'M EXCITED! hah the cab is one of my favorite bands. <3
and now for the point of this blog.
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since returning to jbf to post subterfuge under my new alias, i started to wonder why and how we all joined jbf. i mean there are tons of other fansites out there, why did we all join jbf and what prompted us to start reading/writing fanfic?
haha your blog response or comment to this is totally optional. i'm just curious i guess. and as always, you don't have to read mine.
i'd just gotten tickets to the jonas concert in lafayette on the wylmite tour and since i was going alone i kind of wanted to see if i could meet up with someone there. it was a few months before the concert, so i searched for jonas fansites with forums and jbf showed up. i joined, created my question and forgot about it for a few days. when i checked back nobody had answered so i decided to just read around other parts of the forum. i found the fanfic section and clicked on a few that captured my interest.
the first one that really grabbed me was mel's elevator. i remember being in the library, class, and a ton of other public places while reading that story. i'm sure people thought i was crazy, but the humor was just so amazing. i left her comments and thought i was surely annoying her. but her story was so great!
during all of that i asked for a siggy from ashlynn taylor. we got to talking and she and mel encouraged me to write.
now joining jbf to write fanfiction wasn't something i'd originally set out to do, but i already had a username so why not? so insecurites aside i began writing my first fanfic, "secrets don't make friends." (and yes, i smiled at that title. THANKS MEL.) the response and love was overwhelming. i couldn't believe it!
as we all know, next came laws and a ton of one-shots, ladedah and other things. mel put me in "breathe" which made my life because i got to marry ROBERT! :) i remember getting into fights about KEVIN with bre and they got violent (but so fun!)
then i noticed that mel was reading this little fic called "gardenias" by a person called perfervid_heart. taking a chance, i decided to read it too. and man was i hooked! the characters and writing put mine to shame and i was floored. i requested a siggy by this amazing writer and soon after i was getting comments from this person, saying they liked my story.
it definitely boosted my self esteem for a while :)
ren (as i later found out that's what perfervid_heart's name was) imed me and we started a friendship. i was already iming mel, so it was perfect that we all liked each other. we became arm. i don't remember how that actually got started, but we were arm and it was amazing.
laws was probably the highlight of my jbf writing career. i met crystal and steph during it as well. crystal was one of the best commenters in the world. she had something nice to say about everything and her words always made my day. when she started writing who's the dog i was one of her biggest fans. i still say it needs to be finished, but who am i to remind people of their unfinished stories? (...let's not even begin to count how many i've left sitting staring at me, begging me to continue them. those poor fics.)
i met steph differently. i'd seen her around before, probably read something of hers before, but we'd never really talked. until my pedophilia came up with her and mel and the rest is pedophiliac heaven. :) i was surprised to find out that a virtual stranger was going to write a fic about me being a pedophile, but it was awesome so i was all for it. i'm so excited to see my freezer this summer!!!
in a massive chat one day i randomly decided we should have teams. i'll never remember why, but that doesn't matter. because that day "sac" was born. true, it wasn't me, steph and crystal, but later on we became sac. the merger of arm and sac was beautiful. :)
okay i forgot the point of this, but it was fun remembering my side of this. i can't imagine not having you girls in my life. and to think i only joined because i wanted to meet up with people at my concert.
i met up with some of the most amazing friends i could ever ask for. :)
thanks jbf!
Gahhh, I love this site. It's amazing, and I find it almost scary how profound/touching some of these quotes are. Be warned, this is gonna be a reallllly looooong post.
