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I honestly can’t remember ever feeling this worn out.
And it’s not the kind of thing that happens all at once, like pulling an all-nighter and then being tired the next day. No, this is gradual and prolonged, which makes it a bit worse, I think. I have to get up relatively early each weekday for class, which wouldn’t be the worst if I didn’t stay up late to finish homework and other things that I couldn’t during the day. And it’s not even that late, but it’s starting to catch up with me. Then the weekend rolls around and I can’t sleep in then because I have rehearsal each day from 9-12 for Scrubs. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it. But they are quite grueling. The show itself is only half an hour, so we can run through it multiple times. That gets exhausting.
So I find myself eagerly waiting for Easter weekend, so I can go home and relax. But that’ll be one day of relaxing—Sunday we’ll be up early to go to breakfast at the grandparents’ house. Then it’s back to school.
This past weekend was a nightmare. In order to juggle seeing my sister in her high school play and making it to rehearsal, I made the hour and a half drive to or from UConn four times—either driving myself or with someone pissed off at all the traffic or fighting with his twin sister. Come Sunday afternoon, as I was waiting to head back to school with my friends, I was sprawled out on my parent’s bed, too tired to even answer my mom’s questions with anything more than a mumble. She was genuinely interested about the show.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if I were just tired. But I find myself getting ridiculously irritable over the stupidest things. Case in point, I got home from a long work shift and dance rehearsal last night intending to study my butt off for a few hours for the exam I have this morning. I just wanted to spread out my books and get to work so I could get to bed, but my roommate and friend from another building ‘sshed’ me as soon as I walked in. They then spent the next hour giggling and standing at the door in the darkened room, listening to a couple have an argument out in the hall. Ordinarily I would have been joking with them, but I plugged in my headphones and tuned them out, wanting very badly to ask if they wanted me to leave so they could enjoy their silly, giggling gossip and spying in peace.
That’s not me. I’m lacking patience, motivation, appetite, and energy to do anything, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I lash out at someone I love. I don’t want that. I need to do something about this.
The one thing I keep telling myself is—five weeks till summer. Five weeks till sleeping in, not having to rush off place, and an amazing week of Jonas and ARMSAC.
Now, I’m off to take an exam that I am grossly unprepared for.

Later.