well i might as well say stuff over here too

so yesterday for the first time in a while i hung out at my mom's. for the most part she was asleep and i watched tv, but when she was awake we talked and i came to realize something important:

i miss brookhaven.

not brookhaven really, but some of the things i did there. for so long i was drifting in brookhaven with no real purpose.

but then constant reform came. i mean i'd known these guys since high school. i'd worked with sam for years and i'd hung out at their house. i'd gotten drunk and partied and broke into abandoned houses with them. they were friends of mine and i honestly loved the odd, sometimes unclean, hilariously bad-mouthed boys. so when they decided to actually form a band using their talent i was stoked. and they were great.

they wanted to play a show. just so they could get a feel for it. and that's how it all got started.

constant reform's first show was at atwood. a tiny place. the only people there were a few friends and the families of the guys. it was a free show and they did really well.

but the feeling i got for throwing a successful show was something i didn't want to give up. i mean my mom did most of the work but together we planned something really special.

pause.

i think i always loved the feeling of going to a show. i'd been to two or three before we started doing them, and it was always a blast.

unpause.

"managing" constant reform soon became a pastime of mine and my mom's. my boss agreed to record an e.p. for them and i would listen to their stories about being in the studio. i'd be with them a lot of the time and my mom was busy getting them slots into the battle of the bands at a club in jackson and getting them a slot at the atwood music festival. they ALMOST won battle of the bands and they were amazing at atwood.

but that wasn't enough for me and my mom.

we found a place we could rent to throw shows, and immediately i was useful in contacting some bands i'd seen before and asking them if they wanted to play. we had shaken almost at every show, fox chase drive played one (<3) and cain's fury was there too. we had other bands i didn't know personally but were amazing. the names and faces of people started getting familiar and we seriously enjoyed hosting shows.

putting on a show isn't as easy as it sounds. the work starts about two months before the actual show. we have to contact bands, get them confirmed, plan and organize and then confirm again. the two days before a show are always nerve-wracking.

but it always pays off. when you have a band happy to be there and people at the show you planned, enjoying themselves and having fun, it's the greatest thing in the world. even if you can't really sit back and enjoy the show (because you're running the concessions, guarding the entrance, or just running around helping bands set up) you still get the feeling that you've done something great.

somehow, in some magical way we were starting to help breathe life into brookhaven's music scene. and it was brilliant.

the e.p. came out and was a huge success. we sold every stinkin' one of them. the boys quickly went back into the studio to begin recording their full length album.

and that's when things started to go awry a little.

for the battle of the bands and a show here and there, the boys had found a drummer, dean. he was a funny guy. older, married with two kids and he seemed to have his head on his shoulders. he just wanted to rock out and help the boys.

with dean they went from awesomely acoustic to hardcore, rock sounding heroes. i loved them either way, but dean really added something to the sound.

and then... he got arrested.

they lost dean, and with it seemed to lose a lot of momentum. they didn't feel like constant reform could be as amazing as they were with him.

and with him, they were amazing. but they didn't let themselves see the fans that loved them for who they were, acoustic or hard.

this story is going in and out of the sequence of events, and you probably quit reading half an hour ago, but i have to get this out.

i've never been as proud of them as i was the night of the ole brook festival. my boss let me leave work early so i could go see them and i rushed there just in time to see them for a few minutes before they had to get onstage.

it seemed like every single person rushed the stage to see constant reform, my boys, perform. the crowd was hyped and the boys got an energy they'd never gotten before. the performance was THE MOST amazing performance that year at ole brook, and everyone knew it.

and then, of course since they were at the top, things had to go downhill from there. they lost dean, lost the momentum.

chris and timmy left the band for cain's fury since eric was beginning to become the whiny, melodramatic person he always tried to hide.

we had one last show. i can't really remember the date, but it's the one show that really changed everything.

it was going to be great. there was a huge crowd (by our standards anyway, but shaken said it was a big crowd so i'm gonna take their word for it) and it started off without a hitch.

and then constant reform refused to play.

all the momentum we'd built up, all the work my mom and i did for them was basically shoved in our faces as eric said he just couldn't play.

without them, each of the bands took home over 100 dollars that night. that was the biggest show we'd ever done.

but the enjoyment and satisfaction wasn't there.

in the middle of this the boy's album came back and i was in the liner notes as a thank you. i appreciated it then and i appreciate it now, but thinking about the shows it doesn't even hold a candle to the thanks that i or my mom should receive.

that year we brought constant reform out of obscurity and into something special. and they threw it all away.

i love them, and i will always love them. but i'm over my need to help them now.

but talking about this with my mom and typing it here i've come to realize that i really loved the feeling of putting on a show and seeing it unfold. it was the greatest thing in the world to help bands and to just be in the moment.

and i miss that more than i ever thought i would.