Understanding life.

I understand how life effects everyone and how we all do 'fall apart' as Ashley put it. It's not that us ARMSAC girls don't want next year to happen we do. Heck just about every ARMSAC girl I talk to talks to me about it. It's just we have so many problems with life. It seems like a stupid thing to be saying but it's true. I would love to have ARMSAC chats everynight with every single member of ARMSAC but it can't actually happen and that's sad. Now there are many differnet reasons why ARMSAC can't happen every single day and I can tell you them in a list but that won't really help all I can say is. We are still friends and we are still strong.
Yes we don't talk as much but it is just life that is breaking us apart. I work in the early morning starting as early as 5 AM while everyone else is still sleeping and then when I get home from work, Ashley is at work or Mel is at school or Ren just isn't talking to us. It's kind of sad truthfully but we can't talk every second of every day.
I am the only girl in ARMSAC who has ever met another ARMSAC girl having met Crystal and Melissa but truthfully it's just making me want our meeting even more. Whenever I talk to Crystal, which is rarely lately (though she called me on my birthday and told me happy birthday, merry christmas and said her father said the same) we always talk about what is gonna happen when we meet up. It's amazing I love talking to Crystal, after all she was the first ARMSAC girl that I met in real life. And then Mel and I being the horrible people we are (jk jk) were talking about how at ARMSAC 09 we were gonna force the whore(Ricky's girlfriend) to sleep in the cow pasture across the street lol.
And yes I do miss talking with Ashley every day, she is my best friend ( i've said this before) so when I see a myspace comment or a facebook post or even a text from her it makes me smile. Right now we're talking on AIM and it seems like forever since we last did that. Which truthfully I think it was before Mel and I went to see Twilight together.
(Side note about twilight-mel and i managed to prove multiple times during the movie that it was so me and kevin, ash & nick and mel and joe lol)
But while I miss talking to her every day I know that the next time I talk to her it will be the most amazing thing in the world. And I say that because it's always like we haven't seen each other in ten years even though it's been two days. I love how free we are with one another and that is truthfully why she is my best friend.
And I miss talking to Mel too, she always puts up with the randomness that is me. You really should have been there the day that we 'made' babies with the Jonas family and yea (Kevin and Nick) and [Joe and Big rob] had cuter babies {with each other} than I had with Nick. I love her OJD comics they are amazing and the fact that sometimes I know it's me in those comics makes me love her just a little bit more.
And Crystal (& ricky) I miss talking to her(&him). She is one of my best friends too (all the girls are my best friends really & ricky too) and since her computer crashed I have to deal with texts or phone calls and while I love being able to talk to her(&him) it's just not the same as staying up all night and talking over AIM and then getting up the next morning and seeing her still online and ready to talk to me. I miss her and I can't wait to see her again.
And Renners, well I miss talking to Renners period. I mean that she was the one who was keeping me sane when I was slowly going crazy and now I rely on Mel for that one but truthfully Ren makes me feel like a young soul. And I do mean that because Ren is so eliquite and mature and then you get Ashley and Me and we are so young and immature. I guess she is just the perfect mother figure for us(Hey she could be Esme!) But I know that everytime we get together it will be fun.
We as the ARMSAC group are not falling apart we are growing it is a bit hard at times because our growth is seperated from the rest of the group but we are growing none the less. I am growing in more ways than anyone can see. I remember a time when I wouldn't talk to people I didn't know and now I'm the one who is talking first and bubbly and loud. How I was with people I knew. I understand that yes it is common to grow but because of these girls I grew in more ways than one and I thank them for that.
I think the most important thing to remember right now is yes we are best friends, we might now always be best friends(but if I can help it I will force you guys to be my best friends forever*evil laughter here*) but for the time being we are. We might be invisible to those who we wish would see us in the real world, and have irrational dreams and fears but atleast we have people here to make us believe in ourselves. And as long as we believe in ourselves, in our friendship there is nothing that can break us apart.
So fall for the boy who everyone loves. Convince yourself you can be a famous singer(me not ren ren could be). Be corageous and get on a plane for the first time(there are three of you). Just know that no matter what we will be there for one another.
I.Love.You.

xoxo
Stephani

too much going on.

this is going to be the weirdest post i've ever made. i've got a lot of stuff on my mind.

what's going on? i feel like armsac never talks. not in chats or even in texts much. i mean i'm probably the only one of us who has NO life and looks forward to talking to you guys so much, but i don't know. i feel like i'm missing out on so much.

i don't know how everyone's life is going. how is crsytal, ren, mel and steph? i don't know. and it kills me that i don't know anything.

as for me...well i'm fine i guess.

i've come to realize that friends are just...i don't know. a waste of time? i don't want to say that, because it's not precisely what i mean, but the whole thing with will has me rethinking my luck with friendships, and then the fact that armsac has fallen apart (to me it feels that way) just adds to the fact.

i'm a cold person. i've come to realize that. my last day of work is in a week and shortly after i'll be moving. and i told will and he acted like he really cared and was sad he wouldn't see me before i left. and i basically don't care. i didn't even care he got arrested. i'm just fed up with all of it. i don't know. i'm a bad friend.

i don't even know why i'm writing this. but it scares me that i think i'm the only one looking forward to 09 and i don't even know if it'll still be happening because i never talk to you guys.

and meg, i'm sorry about your dad. i know what it's like to lose a father figure (my pawpaw) and i know it's hard. i'm here for you sweetie.

but my heart hurts thinking that maybe all of this was a waste of time. (making friends)

Rest In Peace.

One of the girls who I call an ARMSAC girl, Megan, lost her father last night. I love the girl to death and my first thought upon seeing her status on facebook was your kidding right? It just said rip daddy. I could not believe it. We always talked about how he was gonna make it to her graduation how that was her hope, and his. And then I wake up three days before christmas, which is suppose to be the happiest day of the year and see that. Meg. I love you. I've got you and your family in my prayers. Always and forever.
xoxo
Stephani

Deck The Halls With Porn and Playgirls.

I am infact one of the hardest people to shop for ever. Because as Ashley said so calmly one day, "I have everything." Which might be true but truthfully if I see something and I like it, why wouldn't I buy it? I mean I understand that Christmas is the time of other people buying you presents and such, but I'm so used to buying myself presents that well I never leave anything for anyone to get me, ever. I don't know having my birthday be on Christmas and then Christmas be on well Christmas I'm kind of deprived of presents all year long until my birthday happens. So I'm used to buying myself what I want. No one ever buys me presents, except boyfriends they buy me stuff, so I'm used to not getting stuff until I buy it. And as soon as I can I tend to buy stuff. I mean I can't really help it. I want it, I buy it, that's how it works.
If I have to hear my friend tell me one more time how hard it is to find me something for Christmas, he lives with me he should know by now what to get me. Cash Monnney hahah jk.
but it would be a good gift. Along with a Jonas Brother. i seriously told my boyfriend that was what i wanted for christmas and he gave me a dirty look. But it was worth it. I got a jealous boyfriend kissing all up on me and junk ;D
I can just see my christmas presents coming and being stuff i don't want. Can't wait for the gift reciepts!
lol <3
xoxo
Stephani
ps.armsac shirts ftw<3

tis, the end of the world as we know it, two more ARMSAC girls meeting.

I, Stephani, have the honor of being the only ARMSAC girl to have ever met another ARMSAC girl, having met Crystal(we miss you!) in September when I drove my ass to Michigan for three days. And now I, Stephani, have the honor of being the only ARMSAC girl to have met more than one other ARMSAC girl, meeting Melissa on Wednesday, as in the day after tomorrow(!), so that we can see Twilight:themovie together. I'm freaking estatic.
Seriously. I think that when I meet Ashley I might burst.
but that won't be til June :(

ily giiiirls<3
xoxo
Stephani

"Look a Penquin." "WHERE!" "It was there." "Where did my money go?"

It snowed the other day. Like seriously snowed. I liked it at first and then I realized that the gawd damn snow made me sick.
fuck snow. Well I don't mean that I love snow, I kind of just don't like that I got sick cause of the snow. I love snow. It snowed. I guess we're good.
Kitten(s), I got one in late August (boots) and came home yesterday and found out that my big brother got TWO kittens. So I made a deal with my grandmother. I get one of those kittens too. However the one I get is so shy and sad and all that stuff. Whatever I get me a new kitten :) I have to think of a name for her, why do I always get the girl kittens?
Sick.
It's the snows fault it went from snowing to like sixty in like five minutes. fuck it.
ARMSAC 2009
can not happen soon enough, my whole family knows it's gonna happen and they all talk with me about it. My gram mentioned having a full house and I was like it is gonna be fuller and she goes, your friends are not coming for seven months Stephani.
I love her. I can't wait. Ashley save your money while I do the same. :)
ily<3

xoxo
Stephani