i realized you cut me out of your life before you made it back to your house. and you know what i was fine with it. because i don't need a friend who gets mad at me for something stupid and then decides to cut me out of their life for the same fucking thing.
you say i don't listen to you but how do you listen to me? because no one ever does and i know that for a fact. if you listened my gram wouldn't have driven you all to the beach when i was planning on doing that the next day. but as i got yelled at for 'i wasn't going to do it.' if you listened you would know that i like pink more than blue. that i am physically and mentally abused to this day and have been since i was ten. you would know that i put up the hard fucking shell so that people couldn't get to me. you would know i don't cry or show most emotions because people can use them against me. and you would know that you are the only friend i have ever had who has made me cry because they hurt me. yea other friends have made me cry, but mainly because of something sad, never because of my feelings before.
you used me despite thinking you didn't. I paid for every single bit of gas in my car, over two hundred fucking dollars so that you could go to every concert you wanted to go to. I paid for your ticket to jonas, and honor society, and for you to meet honor society. I paid for parking to a concert I really didn't want to go to because you did. I paid for food for you, my family paid for food for you. We did every fucking thing that you and the others wanted to do. Because you were the guest at our house. So you used me to see bands you liked, movies you liked, animals you liked, people you liked. That's how you fucking used me, because you didn't pay for everything yourself.
If I had a choice I would have gone to one of the fucking concerts we went to. Warped tour. We were there for two fucking hours and then you all decided to fucking leave. I hadn't seen a single band I had wanted to see. But oh we can't stay because you all didn't want to. That's bullfuckingshit. I paid for those tickets, yes I didn't pay for yours but I paid for the others and if I had known we were going to go for two fucking hours, I wouldn't have wasted time driving there. Because we sat in traffic for longer than we were at the show.
You are the reason that I don't have anywhere to live, because I didn't do a single thing you wanted. Which is a lie. I went to the fucking Castle and had fun there, because you wanted to see a Castle and all you did is complain the whole time, because 'the castle was too small. this walk is not good for me. I need to sit down.' Oh yea I paid for that too.
And I didn't even want you to pay me back for any of that, because I was just so fucking excited that you were going to be here.
I love how we focus on my negativity.
And not on the fact that I tried to be nice to you all the time, and you made fun of me, of my voice, of how I said certain words. Yes I did call you a hick at times, mainly in the beginning but it was always in a joking manner, you meant it. and said it to hurt me. I stopped though you didn't. I never once commented on your fucking attitude when you had a problem I never once said you were being a bitch to someone and yet you did a lot.
You talk about how I treat people and yet you do the same fucking thing all the time. You threaten the lives of the people you live with when we are on the phone, or through text or twitter. I'm not the only one who has heard it or seen it and I know I'm not. I don't do that, and I won't because I actually like my family, yes we might not get along all the time but they are my family, and truth be told if I wasn't trying to protect myself from you the whole time you were here I wouldn't have been mean to them. My grandmother is actually one of my best friends and truthfully I'm glad you don't hold that title, at least not anymore.
And you seem to fucking think that your my only fucking friend and the only person I can be mad at. I'll let you in on a secret I have friends outside of the internet. And I can be mad at them too. Just because you think my life revolves around you, doesn't mean it's true. The delete from my life comment wasn't for you, but you take things out of context and how you want to. You always have, just like the night you hung up on me because 'i was making fun of your accent' even though I was just talking.
I know what I said to Crystal was wrong even though it was said through twitter and not directed at anyone really. And we talked about it, because that's what people do, they don't just delete connection to other people. But you didn't actually try and talk to me, not after you called me a bitch if I remembered correctly you ignored me until I had to bring you to the airport. I was going to give you a hug goodbye and apologize for being mean those last days and you just looked at me said 'you don't like hugs' and walked away. that right then was when I knew there was no friendship there anymore.
Sure I don't care about people, so me freaking out when you passed out was me not caring. So me making sure that you made it back to your house safe was me not caring. So me crying my eyes out because my best friend, well now former best friend, just called me a bitch is me not caring. So me not wanting to go home because I knew that you weren't going to be there was me not caring. So me caring enough to make sure that you had your seatbelt on in case of an accident is me not caring. So me making sure that you have water to drink because you did pass out once and I didn't want to have to go through that again is me not caring. So me stopping every time you guys wanted food, or something to drink or anything like that is me not caring.
This is my last post on this blog, I'm never visiting JonasBug again so Crystal it's all yours. and you know what I don't care if you have a problem with me. I quit our friendship, which I'm happy to say doesn't exist. I'll probably never talk to any of you again. And I'm sorry I don't want it to end like this. But my life needs to just start over. And I can't do that with you all. I love each and every one of you, even Ashley even though she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. But I need to stop acting like I'm still a teenager and get on with my life, without you.
Goodbye.
Stephani
You left some shit at my house by the way, but since we're not friends anymore, I guess I'll just burn it.
you say i don't listen to you but how do you listen to me? because no one ever does and i know that for a fact. if you listened my gram wouldn't have driven you all to the beach when i was planning on doing that the next day. but as i got yelled at for 'i wasn't going to do it.' if you listened you would know that i like pink more than blue. that i am physically and mentally abused to this day and have been since i was ten. you would know that i put up the hard fucking shell so that people couldn't get to me. you would know i don't cry or show most emotions because people can use them against me. and you would know that you are the only friend i have ever had who has made me cry because they hurt me. yea other friends have made me cry, but mainly because of something sad, never because of my feelings before.
you used me despite thinking you didn't. I paid for every single bit of gas in my car, over two hundred fucking dollars so that you could go to every concert you wanted to go to. I paid for your ticket to jonas, and honor society, and for you to meet honor society. I paid for parking to a concert I really didn't want to go to because you did. I paid for food for you, my family paid for food for you. We did every fucking thing that you and the others wanted to do. Because you were the guest at our house. So you used me to see bands you liked, movies you liked, animals you liked, people you liked. That's how you fucking used me, because you didn't pay for everything yourself.
If I had a choice I would have gone to one of the fucking concerts we went to. Warped tour. We were there for two fucking hours and then you all decided to fucking leave. I hadn't seen a single band I had wanted to see. But oh we can't stay because you all didn't want to. That's bullfuckingshit. I paid for those tickets, yes I didn't pay for yours but I paid for the others and if I had known we were going to go for two fucking hours, I wouldn't have wasted time driving there. Because we sat in traffic for longer than we were at the show.
You are the reason that I don't have anywhere to live, because I didn't do a single thing you wanted. Which is a lie. I went to the fucking Castle and had fun there, because you wanted to see a Castle and all you did is complain the whole time, because 'the castle was too small. this walk is not good for me. I need to sit down.' Oh yea I paid for that too.
And I didn't even want you to pay me back for any of that, because I was just so fucking excited that you were going to be here.
I love how we focus on my negativity.
And not on the fact that I tried to be nice to you all the time, and you made fun of me, of my voice, of how I said certain words. Yes I did call you a hick at times, mainly in the beginning but it was always in a joking manner, you meant it. and said it to hurt me. I stopped though you didn't. I never once commented on your fucking attitude when you had a problem I never once said you were being a bitch to someone and yet you did a lot.
You talk about how I treat people and yet you do the same fucking thing all the time. You threaten the lives of the people you live with when we are on the phone, or through text or twitter. I'm not the only one who has heard it or seen it and I know I'm not. I don't do that, and I won't because I actually like my family, yes we might not get along all the time but they are my family, and truth be told if I wasn't trying to protect myself from you the whole time you were here I wouldn't have been mean to them. My grandmother is actually one of my best friends and truthfully I'm glad you don't hold that title, at least not anymore.
And you seem to fucking think that your my only fucking friend and the only person I can be mad at. I'll let you in on a secret I have friends outside of the internet. And I can be mad at them too. Just because you think my life revolves around you, doesn't mean it's true. The delete from my life comment wasn't for you, but you take things out of context and how you want to. You always have, just like the night you hung up on me because 'i was making fun of your accent' even though I was just talking.
I know what I said to Crystal was wrong even though it was said through twitter and not directed at anyone really. And we talked about it, because that's what people do, they don't just delete connection to other people. But you didn't actually try and talk to me, not after you called me a bitch if I remembered correctly you ignored me until I had to bring you to the airport. I was going to give you a hug goodbye and apologize for being mean those last days and you just looked at me said 'you don't like hugs' and walked away. that right then was when I knew there was no friendship there anymore.
Sure I don't care about people, so me freaking out when you passed out was me not caring. So me making sure that you made it back to your house safe was me not caring. So me crying my eyes out because my best friend, well now former best friend, just called me a bitch is me not caring. So me not wanting to go home because I knew that you weren't going to be there was me not caring. So me caring enough to make sure that you had your seatbelt on in case of an accident is me not caring. So me making sure that you have water to drink because you did pass out once and I didn't want to have to go through that again is me not caring. So me stopping every time you guys wanted food, or something to drink or anything like that is me not caring.
This is my last post on this blog, I'm never visiting JonasBug again so Crystal it's all yours. and you know what I don't care if you have a problem with me. I quit our friendship, which I'm happy to say doesn't exist. I'll probably never talk to any of you again. And I'm sorry I don't want it to end like this. But my life needs to just start over. And I can't do that with you all. I love each and every one of you, even Ashley even though she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. But I need to stop acting like I'm still a teenager and get on with my life, without you.
Goodbye.
Stephani
You left some shit at my house by the way, but since we're not friends anymore, I guess I'll just burn it.
1 comments:
I know we don't really talk very much anymore, which is something that i regret. But i need you to remember- I love you. I'm lucky to have met you, even if it was never in person, and I'm lucky to call you my friend. I have great memories of you, and that is something that will stay with me forever. I know that you will go far in your life. You are a strong independent woman. Remember- if there is anytime that you need to talk, I'm always here, and I always will be.
Love Forever, Corinne <3
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